Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: Doing Good Could Be Addictive, But Be Careful
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I have been debating back and forth for awhile whether or not I should share this crazy story or just keep it between me and me and the other person involved. Mind you, I have only told one person this story and it was not until just recently. I didn’t even tell my wife yet….sorry Laurie.
On a trip to South Carolina many months ago, I took an Uber to my hotel. As I usually do, I started chatting up the driver and making small talk. Nothing out of the ordinary until the driver opened up about the fact that her boyfriend was abusing her and her child and her world was a total mess. I of course hated to hear that and felt so sad for her. I am a sucker and do have compassion for others….probably a little too much sometimes as my wife would probably tell you. Hence, that is why I didn’t tell her. Yeah, I know this might get me in to some hot water.
Anyway, with the sewing machine giveaway and other charitable work putting me on a high of late, I thought that I could help out Tiffanie. As I exited the car, I gave her my card and told her to reach out and I would see what I could do. I know, it isn’t my business to butt in to people’s lives, but hearing her tell her story made me sad and made me want to try and help to promote some change for her.
Fast forward a couple weeks, lo and behold she reached out to me. We spoke and tried to talk through what was going on and how I might be able to help. I didn’t feel right just sending her money because that would be a little over the top even though I truly did believe what she was telling me all true. After awhile, I agreed to finance her car being fixed so at the least she could try to continue to drive and make a living with Uber. Hopefully that money she earned would help her to improve her situation or at least keep her employed.
A couple days later, I hear from the auto repair shop and they tell me the cost to repair her car and I pay. The young lady is very appreciative beyond words. We speak a couple times after that through email. I kept trying to encourage her to stay focused and get her life in order for herself and her son. I kept urging her to focus on the goal.
Then things were quiet and I hadn’t heard from her in a bit. I figured it was a good thing and I was hopeful that I did in fact help her out and she got her life back on track. Then one day as I am sitting at my desk at work, I get a real mysterious email. You aren’t going to believe this…well, maybe you will. The email was from a woman’s correctional facility. Oy veh! What did I get myself in to?
There it was, an email from Tiffanie saying:
“Scott, I really need you to bail me out of here. I will explain everything after, it’s all a big misunderstanding.”
Man O Man! It was time for me to throw in the towel. This was beyond the scope of what I signed up for and at this point I didn’t believe that she was in there for a misunderstanding. I figured she was desperate and desperate people do desperate things sometimes. Unfortunately, she got caught.
I wrote back:
“Dear Tiffanie, I am sorry to hear about this, but I tried to help you the best I could. I didn’t expect something as extreme as this to happen and you are going to have to deal with the consequences of your actions.”
That was it. I have never heard from her again. Long story short, doing good feels really good, but you can’t always fix other people’s problems. I guess it was the thought that counted.
Have a great week.
Before I sign off, I wanted to encourage my readers to post comments. Considering that I just came in to loads of new precuts, I wanted to share those with my followers and especially those who read my blogs. So with that, every 20th comment will receive a little something from me (up to 300 comments or 15 prizes max).
Sad Scott
P.S..…Here is where you can find my Executive Facebook page.
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782 words including these.
This is the sewing machine I give away for free. Please feel free to purchase one, and give it away too! Or Recommend it! Or love it!
110 Comments
Carol Ayo
I’ve had a similar experience but within my own family….ouch!
You did a good thing and I continue to do help when needed……just not that one family member. Learned my lesson there!
JoAnn Staszko
You are a very kind person with a big heart. My Dad was just like you and would help everyone with a sob story. 90% of the time he was rewarded and not taken advantage of. Just be yourself God will help you do the right thing. You were right to not bail her out she was trying to take advantage of your kindness.
Sheila
(I don’t mind posting first since I won a beautiful precut a couple months back, but hopefully everyone else won’t sit there and count replies to be every 20th in line.)
Wow, Scott… you are one kind and generous soul for helping out Tiffanie. [I am sure Laurie already knows this and that’s why she married you.] Your story didn’t end where I thought it might, but I’m glad it ended where it did. Don’t ever change!
Maria C
Oh boy! One wonders what was really going on with Tiffanie. You are right you cannot fix everyone’s problems, you did your best. My mom would say “The Lord helps those who help themselves.”
Janie McCombs
That is a sad situation. I honestly hope she will leave you alone, sometimes people will continue pestering people who only have good intentions. Stay positive but be wary. You are a good person. Thank you for all of the entertainment.
Milly
It’s so sad that some people talk a good story, get help to head in the right direction, but have to initiative to follow thru to benefit/help themselves. Everyone has choices to make and must live with the consequence of their choice.
Cynthia H.
Scott:
Thank you for your giving heart! I am hoping you haven’t used her real name. If she was truly in an abusive situation, the partner might put two and two together and you might put yourself at risk for helping. Aside from all other unpleasant issues. Don’t stop reaching out! Love your stories. Sorry for the hot water….
Cynthia
Diann
What you did for Tiffanie was the compassionate path. Short story: my meditation teacher told me once ” Always be mindful of your motivation and intent when giving. Watch how it leaves your hand, after that, it’s none of your business. You had beautiful motivation and intent. It left your hand, you believed it would help. I guess the rest of her story is no business but her own. In the long run, it may indeed help her gain some wisdom of accepting help and motivating her to use that for her own good. She is definitely in charge there.
Helen Marie
At least she was a stranger. Our own daughter did it to us. “borrowed” $15,000 to pay for her doctorate in physical therapy, then had her kitchen remodeled, sent us a copy of her Doctoral research project (which was so basic, so rudimentary, I could have performed her “research” myself) and me with only common sense and no masters in PT! And pay it back? After four years a check for $500–never another penny. And her gifts to her father and I for birthdays and Christmas? A $100 donation to her favorite (conservative) “charities”. Her two children have learned from her. Grandpa is a sucker with a bank account.
Gail Bright
I enjoyed reading your story. We try to pay it forward also, I have also learned when it is time to say no more. We give freely from the heart as you did, and I do not believe that is ever wrong, we are doing God’s work. We do what we can, I look forward to purchasing pre cuts I am pretty new to quilting and I love it. It fills my need to be creative and I give most of it to charities. Thank you for caring.
Ginny Radloff
Sorry this happened… I too like to believe that we can pay it forward and that the person will make the right choices… sometimes that doesn’t happen… however you can know in your heart that you did what you thought was the ‘right’ thing and in another situation it will be right/helpful to that person… its up to them… Do NOT let this one act of kindness make you not want to do it again…
Denise Danish
Very refresh to read this story. It warms my heart that there are still good people out there willing to try to help. Not Everyone is a Con Artist. A little help can mean the world to someone who truly is in need.
Scott Fortunoff
Hi Denise,
You are number 40! Congrats!. Watch for an email from me.
Scott
Lisa McCann
You never know… your efforts to help her (by listening, and by paying for car repair) may have planted seeds that will sprout later on. Maybe later on, those actions will inspire this person to either pay it forward, or guide her into making good choices. Maybe both! Maybe someday she will tell her child how you helped her out, and it will inspire something good in the child’s life.
Karen Marcus
I think at some point many of us have reached out to help others only to be disappointed in their journey. I lost my life savings to a drug addicted daughter. She sold all of my jewelry, stole money and sold anything she could get her hands on. I let her live with me because I couldn’t put my grandsons out in the street. In retrospect I should have put her in jail but was unable. Guess you can call me an enabler. We put the house up for sale and moved out. During that period she ripped out anything she could to sell and our sale fell through. We ended up losing the house after being on the market for 2 years. It is now old history and I have moved on. Fast forward to 2018 and she has been in rehab for 3 years and remain clean to this day. She still doesn’t have a job yet but is actively looking. She lives with me again with my grandchild Aiden who is autistic. It is a struggle every day for us but someday she will move out and finally take financial responsibility for herself and Aiden. I am hopeful that day comes sooner than later.
Kim Carron
Well, didn’t you learn a lesson we’ve all learned at one time or another. But we all move on. Love your blog. It makes me smile to read it. Happy love love fabric and sewing!!!
Carole K
I too, love to help others— it’s so difficult to decide when to hold back and let them figure it out- and possibly ‘they figure it out’ is part of that person’s growth and pathway.
When we feel the prompting to help, and that voice inside that won’t let us be— and our motivation is pure love- I believe we need to follow our hearts.
Pepper Cory
You did good at the right time Scott and that’s all that mattered. The “bail me out” thing is wholly on her and you were correct to back out. Happens all the time when you’re a person who consciously tries to do good. I should learn too-in a big city, a really ratty looking homeless guy was sitting on the curb outside a McDonald’s panhandling passersby. I went in, paid for a meal and coffee, and came out to give it to him. He took it, looked suspiciously at me and then spat at me. (Thank God he missed!) He muttered, “I wanted beer money-“. And so it goes. Still doesn’t affect affect my mantra, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Carolyn Robinson
Never regret helping – different time, different person – you might have made all the difference in someone’s life. She made the choice to travel down a different path. Now, send Laurie some real flowers!
Cathy Healey
You did the right thing. It may help her do the right thing in the future.
Becky Petersen
Probably everyone will wait for the other person to comment.
Yes, sometimes helping brings its own set of problems. We have a charitable organization and have experienced this first hand. It takes a lot of wisdom to know the best way to help.
Kudos to you for the help you do. I put your name out there on a big FB group to a lady who said she needed a machine. I told her she needed to write you and tell her her story! (I don’t know it.)
Cathy
What a story! You did the right thing, you helped where you could and helped someone realize that actions have consequences. All good!
Celia Ambrose
You really are too nice for your own good! I’m sure your wife has told you this before. Thanks for sharing your story though. Sorry you were taken for a ride in ways you didn’t expect! Thanks for the chance to win some fabric. Have a great week.
Stephanie Martinez
The world needs people like you who see the hope, but also a realist and to know when your help can’t change a person as much as we hope it our impact does. Everyone needs a chance….
Gerry
Hi Scott,
A very interesting story. You tried your best. It does leave me wanting to know why she is in a correctional facility and the outcome.
Paula Kunkel
Awe Scott.. You are an inspiration to many and you did what your heart told you to do with this gal. Good on ya! Thanks for your story!
Sherry Murray
Hey, Scott. It’s a funny thing, doing good. Sometimes it feels like a wasted effort but it never is. Kindness soothes the soul. My theory is that the gift is in the yes, in the action. The outcome is not yours.
Sharon
I hope for the best for her. I would have done the same thing.
Bobbie Hunley
I completely understand the compassion you have for others. When we live a life that is pretty darn good and we see others hurting, it’s very difficult not to want to try and find solutions for their issues. Over our almost 48 years of marriage, we have opened the doors to many people who were hurting. The most important thing that I can share is that we always made them know we loved them, would standby them and pray for them, but first they have to be willing to help themselves.
Linda Schopper
I did write on your FB page but I want to make sure you’re protected. Your giving spirit is so pure and amazing. As a Granny, rely on your wife Laurie to guide your generosity. You’re a team of one. Her strengths will strengthen your strengths.
Take care.
Granny Linda
Sarah P.
Unfortunately I think this industry blinds us to the realities of the “real world.” I have found most people in this industry to be honest, helpful, and kind. The reality is beyond our industry there is rampant fraud, scamming, and people trying to get something for nothing. Bravo to you for trying to be kind and generous, but let a little NY lawyer cynicism crawl back in.
Sherry Bodkins
Oh man Scott, that’s so heartbreaking. You did a good thing, but you are right. There is only so much you can do to help people. That young lady needed to change her life and she is the only one who can make the decision to change. Keep on being the super guy that you are!
Scott Fortunoff
You are #20 sherry. Congrats.
Scott
Dawn Conyers
Scott, you have a kind, caring heart. God bless you for all you do in the sewing revolution and in everyday life. Looking forward to meeting you at Portland Market and taking FABRIC!!!!!.
Elaine
Hi Scott, I have already been the lucky winner of pre-cuts and thank you again! I just wanted to comment on your blog post. It is hard to draw that line between helping and enabling. You went much farther than most would have. I commend you for your compassionate spirit and hope you never lose it. Just discuss these thing with the wife first. 🙂
Kathy Cayton
Scott – There are so many comments I could make to your kind generosity and trying to be a “Good Samaritan.” The bottom line though is that sometimes there are those who take and take and take and expect others to always help them. In other words, they have never learned to be an adult. Continue on but please don’t let this experience ruin all of the other good that you do.
Jennifer Miller Harrison
Great Story and Love how you handled the situation.
Laura T
Scott, I’m sorry this story didn’t have a different outcome but it’s true that people do have deal with the consequences of their actions. I can understand your helping as I have done the same thing. But eventually people have to want to change for themselves and develop the inner strength and resilience to want to do it.
If I was so lucky to win a pre-cut please give it to the girls shelter that you gave some sewing machines to last year:-)
Marge Wagner
Thanks for your giving heart.
Joanne Hubbard
Yikes! Sorry you got mixed up with that, but I can relate, as I’m sure many of your readers can. Without going into detail, I’ve been used a few times too, but nothing like you. Long story short, I know it may happen again, but I’m going to keep helping when I can. I refuse to give in and become callous and hard. I still believe that people are good and caring and that they will pay it forward when they are able and the opportunity presents itself. I like being able to help people. I also like that my children and grandchildren do the same and none of us have any intentions of stopping anytime soon.
I think Laurie will forgive you. 🙂 Enjoy the rest of your well-deserved vacation!
Linda
Wow!! What a story!! You did what you could..above and beyond. You have a Heart of gold!!
Mary Bird
Hi Scott! I applaud you for helping that Uber driver. There was no way for you to know how many other problems she had, but getting her car fixed with a noble thing to do. It solved a few problems, even though she wasn’t in a position to help herself with the other things going on in her life. Thanks for being in the 1% that always want to do the right thing!
Paula Waterfield
Sometimes I have been burned, but then comes that day when you help and the stars are aligned and you do a true mitzvah and it all works out like it is supposed to. My father told me giving will be returned to you in many folds. So keep doing what you are doing, as I have, and the blessing will be many.
Paula
Hello Scott,
You are a good person and I enjoy your blog.
Have a great day.
Tabatha Smith
Well now, that WAS an interesting post. Guess you can only help people help themselves. At some point they have to take responsibility, right? But I’m glad you showed compassion and tried to help her anyhow. Your heart is in the right place Scott. Keep up the great work that you are doing for the sewing industry.
Shirley Clark
Wow! It’s just a shame that people get so down or involved in the wrong things that when they get a break, they don’t know what to do. I think it was sweet that you tried, and maybe some day she’ll look back on this and know people do care. We all know people who need help, and we all know people who take advantage so it doesn’t take long to figure those out. It’s just disappointing when they don’t take advantage of someone’s help in the right way. Life is all about choices!
Joan
As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
Rhonda Luther
Scott, I think many of us have been there in one way or another. Most of the time my husband is the one in our family that hears the stories and believes every word and I hang back and watch before acting. Sometimes it is the other way around. Neither is wrong, just different approaches to life.
Brenda Neff
You did the right thing Scott. Doing wrong is the choice she made. The car was an issue she couldn’t control but ending up in a Correctional center was a choice. To be in a correctional center implies she had her trial after you reached out to her and then she was found guilty.
Donna capps
No good deed goes unturned.
Linda D.
I was really sad when I heard an acquaintance say there was nothing in the house for her teenaged son to eat except potatoes and gravy. The $50 I spent on groceries to leave on their doorstep didn’t even show up on the radar of my budget. For me, it is all about the kids. It did not go unnoticed, though, that the next time I saw her she was still getting her nails and hair done at the salon. Priorities create consequences.
Kathy Schmidt
We never know anyone’s full story and my suspicion radar would have gone off right away on this one! You did do everything you could for her, but you need to stop when you don’t see the personal effort towards improvement. Hope Laurie understands, but I bet she knows you better than you know yourself by now! Keep up your good work and let’s keep sewing!