Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: Doing Good Could Be Addictive, But Be Careful
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I have been debating back and forth for awhile whether or not I should share this crazy story or just keep it between me and me and the other person involved. Mind you, I have only told one person this story and it was not until just recently. I didn’t even tell my wife yet….sorry Laurie.
On a trip to South Carolina many months ago, I took an Uber to my hotel. As I usually do, I started chatting up the driver and making small talk. Nothing out of the ordinary until the driver opened up about the fact that her boyfriend was abusing her and her child and her world was a total mess. I of course hated to hear that and felt so sad for her. I am a sucker and do have compassion for others….probably a little too much sometimes as my wife would probably tell you. Hence, that is why I didn’t tell her. Yeah, I know this might get me in to some hot water.
Anyway, with the sewing machine giveaway and other charitable work putting me on a high of late, I thought that I could help out Tiffanie. As I exited the car, I gave her my card and told her to reach out and I would see what I could do. I know, it isn’t my business to butt in to people’s lives, but hearing her tell her story made me sad and made me want to try and help to promote some change for her.
Fast forward a couple weeks, lo and behold she reached out to me. We spoke and tried to talk through what was going on and how I might be able to help. I didn’t feel right just sending her money because that would be a little over the top even though I truly did believe what she was telling me all true. After awhile, I agreed to finance her car being fixed so at the least she could try to continue to drive and make a living with Uber. Hopefully that money she earned would help her to improve her situation or at least keep her employed.
A couple days later, I hear from the auto repair shop and they tell me the cost to repair her car and I pay. The young lady is very appreciative beyond words. We speak a couple times after that through email. I kept trying to encourage her to stay focused and get her life in order for herself and her son. I kept urging her to focus on the goal.
Then things were quiet and I hadn’t heard from her in a bit. I figured it was a good thing and I was hopeful that I did in fact help her out and she got her life back on track. Then one day as I am sitting at my desk at work, I get a real mysterious email. You aren’t going to believe this…well, maybe you will. The email was from a woman’s correctional facility. Oy veh! What did I get myself in to?
There it was, an email from Tiffanie saying:
“Scott, I really need you to bail me out of here. I will explain everything after, it’s all a big misunderstanding.”
Man O Man! It was time for me to throw in the towel. This was beyond the scope of what I signed up for and at this point I didn’t believe that she was in there for a misunderstanding. I figured she was desperate and desperate people do desperate things sometimes. Unfortunately, she got caught.
I wrote back:
“Dear Tiffanie, I am sorry to hear about this, but I tried to help you the best I could. I didn’t expect something as extreme as this to happen and you are going to have to deal with the consequences of your actions.”
That was it. I have never heard from her again. Long story short, doing good feels really good, but you can’t always fix other people’s problems. I guess it was the thought that counted.
Have a great week.
Before I sign off, I wanted to encourage my readers to post comments. Considering that I just came in to loads of new precuts, I wanted to share those with my followers and especially those who read my blogs. So with that, every 20th comment will receive a little something from me (up to 300 comments or 15 prizes max).
Sad Scott
P.S..…Here is where you can find my Executive Facebook page.
P.S.S.… Also, please subscribe to my blog and get notifications when new blogs are posted. Look up on the right side of this blog to register.
782 words including these.
This is the sewing machine I give away for free. Please feel free to purchase one, and give it away too! Or Recommend it! Or love it!
110 Comments
Cindy Walker
Scott, what you do is amazing and it really does change lives. When something doesn’t go as planned just try to remember that. Hold onto that. Every time I use, or even look at, my amazing, beautiful, happiness creating, memory making, lovely orange machine it makes me feel so good. I feel empowered, and I want to thank you again for giving me that feeling!
Scott Fortunoff
That’s awesome Cindy and how it is supposed to be. I am glad you feel good!
Take care,
Scott
Cynthia
No fabric needed. I do want/need you to protect your heart. It sounds like you give until it hurts. Don’t. I know about that after paying for lots of dentistry (with monthly checks for a year) for someone who I last saw about this time last year. Right after the 1st check cleared! lol She said she’d stop in twice a week to clean for me (I practically live in my wheelchair) and I’d pay for her new teeth. Now she has teeth, if she chooses to wear them. And I know I helped someone. But… never again.
NancyB from Many LA
You did great! You blessed her, did the right thing, and God will bless YOU for it. What other people do with those blessings is between them and God. Keep on being nice, and take joy in the people who are truly appreciative!
Laura T
Hi Scott,
Our plumbers wife is without a sewing machine. They were living in a rental home that evidently was highly moldy and was so bad that the family had to move out leaving everything behind including her sewing machine, materials etc…. If she could be put on your list for a new sewing machine that would be really awesome. I have extra new Quilters Select cutting mats, rulers, and a rotary cutter and materials that I can give her so no need to send that. Her name is Kayla Luna. I don’t have a phone number for her yet but you could reach me at my email.
Thanks LauraT
Debbie
Great job in helping so many with machines. As for helping this lady you did way more than many would have, yes you had to draw a line and even at that you did it gracefully
Thanks for all you do.
Keep the great stories coming
Kathy Combs
Like you said Never give up on people! There are those who truly are in need and those who just want a handout. Luckily the later usually have no concept of reality. You have such a huge heart and God willing, you are able to continue to help those in our wonderful world of sewing to help improve themselves by taking to small pieces of fabric, sew them together, and repeat until they have created something useful and beautiful. You can’t save the world, as we would all, well those of us with a giving till it hurts belief, want to do. But you have such a wonderful gift, to share with all of us. I wish you the best, and you always have enough! Thank you for sharing this with us.
Stevey Lupo
Oh Scot, well just know that you are not the only one to get yourself into these situations. I do it on a regular basis!! Up until recently I always go to far tring to help. After going thru a very hard separation I met an older gentalman that needed help cleaning. He had lost his wife 3 months previous. Her things were exacly where they were when she died. The house was a shambles. I figured while I looked for work I could help him. 4 hrs to clean one microwave and the Island. It was bad. After cleaning that day I was starting to realize that he was having a memory problem. How sad! Where was his family. I had lost my dad 7 years previous and would never let him live like this. So the next day a Sunday I showed up and was going to get started on another part of the kitchen. No he wasnt having it. He couldn’t remember if he had eaten. Or taken his medicine. What did I get myself into.. I barley had the energy to care for myself. Then he mistaked me for his deceased wife! So I got back to the friends house I was staying with and told her what was going on. We stalk ed online his daughter. I fb messaged her. And then we talked on the phone. She was mean and uncaring! There must have been some bad blood there. But we found out his wife had died 5 mths previous. Anyway for the first time I walked away from a situation. It made me so sad. For once I needed to put myself first.
Cynthia
Please call your local adult services line. He needs to be checked on. It sounds like his daughter won’t do so.
Heather Hendrickson
Scott,
Thank you for such generosity and faith in humanity! Although not everyone who is blessed with the kindness of a stranger takes it for what it is, a chance to be better and hopefully, pass it on…..but it’s still worth doing! Your “no strings attached” kindness may just be the turning point that helps someone decide to work towards being a better human being.
IF I happen to be one of the 20th posts, please pass mine along to the 21st person. I have a home-based long arm and quilting business that allows me to accumulate a ton of fabrics!
Bless you and your journey!
Heather
Theresa Andrews
Scott, Just because you saw in the “short space of time” a woman who stepped the wrong way instead of following your “step up”…well it doesn’t mean you didn’t do the right thing. You did and you did it for all the right reasons. You planted a seed, a seed of hope/future in this woman. Maybe you won’t be the person to water that seed…but hopefully somewhere down the road it will get the “watering” and this woman will realize that the “gracious gift —- giving with a genuine heart”…. is worth more than anything this world can buy!
Keep up the good deeds and giving with your genuine heart! You’ve got many following you that see just a kind word, a simple step up, a smile, a chatterbox full of great stories, and more make a difference in people’s lives! We all can make a difference!
#SewRevolution
Darleen Stanton
Scott, if you still have machines to donate, this lady could really use one. She lost everything in the fire including her husband! She is our daughter-in-law’s aunt.
Thanks for your consideration!
As many of you know Linda Warner, one of our quilting sisters suffered a terrible tragedy last week. On Monday March 26th her home burnt to the ground. The ultimate tragedy was she also lost her husband as a result of the fire. To quote Linda, “ my two worst fears happened on the same day.” Her faith and strength through this tragedy has been an inspiration to our community. Here is where everyone can be part of an encouraging event being held in her honor. She had been planning on a sewing weekend with her sisters later in April. The fire took all of her sewing stuff. So plan to be part of this event. We are having a sewing shower on April 13th from 6pm to 8:30 pm at the Marlette United Methodist Church fellowship hall. We are taking donations to purchase a new machine for her. We are asking that everyone bring a piece of fabric or your favorite notion. There will be a quilt for everyone to sign and leave an encouraging message for her. If you can’t attend the shower you may mail your donation or gift to Marlette United Methodist Church 3155 Main Street, Marlette Michigan,48453. If you have any questions please call 989-635-3767 or 989- 635-0300. Lets just shower Linda with love and encouragement. Please feel free to share this post with your sewing and crafting friends.
Cindy Walker
Well it seems no good deed goes unpunished. I wish I had known you were handing out free car repairs though, because I just had to buy 2 new tires and there is no way will I land myself in jail!
You just keep being you and doing what you do and believing that what you do really does help lift some of us more than you will ever know!
Mary D
Scott this scenario plays itself out in a variety of situations. You (collective you not specific you) innocently try to help a stranger out (because you can) and some where along the way your hand got extended a bit too far (without your knowledge) and there are subsequent requests for help, often monetary.
Maybe some of the problem is that money was introduced initially or even at all. Maybe some of the problem is that the person you are trying to help is not really ready to change their situation. Maybe even this person has done this before with another kind-hearted person. Or the person being helped does not know how to best use the help offered to them. Whatever the answer, you end up having to cease helping/communicating with the person because it becomes apparent it is not the relationship you intended.
This has also happened to me and a couple of my kind hearted friends and family members. Not yet soured on the idea, I may still try to offer some help to random strangers when we have chatted up each other (after a thorough analysis in my mind) but I do so more with offering resources that I may know of or offer suggestions I think may help and will not let money be a part of it at all. In the end the work to change a situation really needs to be initiated on the part of the person affected.
P.S. Interestingly the person that I befriended also called me from jail asking for money to help pay outstanding speeding tickets to be released. My response was no and that perhaps family and friends would be of more help. We haven’t spoken since.
Elizabeth
Hello Scott,
Helping the young lady with her car repair was a very kind and generous thing to do.
None of us know what her life is like nor what led her to be in jail. She is responsible for her actions. You have provided her with a way to make a living or an asset to sell, if necessary, to pay fines or to move forward.
She may not have had anyone help her in any way before, and it may give her the opportunity to think about passing kindness on to others when she can.
Whatever she does, I don’t believe your kindness was misplaced .
Sandy Allen
Sounds like you did the right thing! You can only do so much for people. then they have to figure things out on their own.
Sure hope your wife forgives you! At least you stopped before you got in over your head. 🙂
Brandy Pettit
I like how you bring up some deep issues here on the blog Scott. I was just reflecting on how jaded my husband and I have become with sob stories, we have addicts in the family. I have noticed how the number of people who take advantage of others has been increasing (or maybe we are just being made more aware of it through social media) although I am glad to say I also notice that the number of people who DON’T still outweigh them. Here is hoping that common sense and a good work ethic will prevail in the end!
Sage
Hi Scott, I think you did the right thing for Tiffani. I hope she can get back on her feet soon!
I just heard your interview with Stephanie on Sit & Sew radio, it was good to hear from an exec in the industry. I’ve been quilting about 5 years and sewing all my life; I think we were born about the same time 🙂 I completely agree there are way more quilting goods on the market right now than consumers. I have a few great LQS near me but they are mostly geared toward a different demographic.
P.S. Can’t wait to see what happens for Free Spirit in the future… love all of the designers.
P.P.S. I love precuts!
Joan McClure
Not the first time a person has tried to help another and it turned out way different from the way it should have. So sorry it happened to you, but feel certain it won’t be the last time you give a hand up to another human being. I just hate it happened in SC. Love your blog, so happy that Jaftex has acquired Free Spirit!
Lynette Smallwood
Your responsibility ended when you gave the gift. Sometimes we are prompted to do the right thing, but the recipient has a responsibility too. Good for you. You reached out.
Tana Mueller
Wow! What an interesting story. What a terrible ending. I was hoping you were going to tell us this wonderful ending. You are an amazing man, blessing so many people in so many ways. Keep up the great work from the heart.
Joan Stewart
That is a very touching story, but you are right, sometimes you just have say no more.
Scott Fortunoff
Hi Joan,
Guess what? You are number 80. Thanks for your comments. Watch for an email from me asking for your address.
Regards,
Scott
Patricia Lynch
Wow, you need to be careful. You are such a kind, caring, and generous man, you have to be real careful of some people. Lots of sharks out there. Glad nothing worse happened. With that said, buy your wife some flowers and take her out for a nice dinner! And from now on….tell her things like this first!
Cathy Dickinson
Great story .. Love to see people helping people ! Sad that she did not take the opportunity given to her and run with it !! Hard lesson learned on her part … hopefully, she will walk the path to greatness when she gets out.
Bonnie Hinds
Scott, I’m sorry this happened to you. I truly feel God was in your heart when you offered to help this girl. I also feel he was protecting you when she reached out a second time. I always think that gut feeling we feel is the Holy Spirit whispering in our ear.
Continue to follow your heart,
Bonnie
Sheila Fruge
I’m so sorry you got “burned”. Unfortunately, there are people out there that are users, it’s all they know. I’m hoping that this person will be able to turn her life around. If not, you tried. Your kind acts make a difference in the lives of people that truly need help. Our world would be a much better place if we all did a random act of kindness now and then. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. Make a pillowcase for a pediatric unit at a local hospital, pay for the car behind you at Starbucks/McD/ Taco Bell. Little things like this restore our faith in humanity and that is always a good thing .
Cynthia
I agree 100%.
Clare Neff
Scott, don’t be sad – your heart is in the right place. We are proud to carry Jaftex products in our shop, knowing your history, your compassion and your dedication to small shops like ours.
Donna Lynn Gerhard
You’re never wrong to help another person – no matter how wrong the other person is. The discernment is wonderful – but – helping is what you are put on earth to do. Give, and let God sort it out has been my motto for a long time, and it has never let me down. Occasionally I’ve been disappointed, but that is my fault, not God’s. My expectations are my problem, the results are God’s to deal with.
Done preaching … just don’t want you to stop your quest for helping others – or even slow it down.
Pat Gottshalk
Being a kind human with a big heart is a badge of honor. You wear it well.
Joyce Jones
WOW. Best to think that you helped someone in distress the first time. Happened to me on the LIRR. Took a group “do what you want in NYC day” with school faculty. Man in typical blue work clothes, clean, shaved, etc. came into our car and announced that he didn’t have enough money to pay for his ticket when the conductor would come around to collect and needed $5.00, could anyone help him out. I did. After he went back to the train car he came from, everyone started laughing and saying that I just got scammed out of money and he probably makes more money in a day panhandling then I made in a week. All I could think of is “what if it were one of my family members or someone I knew in need”, I surely would hope that someone would step up and offer help. Could have been a scam or it could have been someone really needing help at that moment but I prefer to think that I did help someone in need. Never have had a repeat situation but I know I did what was in my heart at that moment. There is nothing wrong with extending your hand to offer help but in your case it looked like she might have been going to abuse your goodness. Don’t think of all the alternatives and just feel good that you did what was in your heart in helping someone in need once and let the rest go.
Kara Benavides
Aha! I found the comment section. But have no fear. No spam will here appear. ( I could go on with the “ear” thing . . . ) I always seem to forget how to leave comments on blogs. You have to scroll waaaaaay down to the bottom. Anyway. My effort at obtaining a chunk of fabric is complete.
Leslie Day
Hi Scott!!
Unfortunately, good people often get taken advantage of. You went above and beyond by simply helping Tiffanie to repair her car. But for her to ask you to bail her out of jail?!?! Unreal!! Glad you stepped back.
Lynn D in NC
You tried to help, and that is a lot more than many people do. But you also knew when to back away. Wise man. I love reading your posts.
Zelda Zorch
Gosh darn it, I sure was hoping for a much different outcome, e.g., she enrolled in a class or classes, she got a better job, she played it forward. You certainly were beyond kind to help her initially – you did the right thing by telling her that you could no longer help her. I’m sure it was hard to do knowing what a big heart you have. Thanks for sharing.
Martha Serati
My hubby is like you – always trying to see the best in folks. I try to be more like him but still have too much cynicism (I guess we balance each other out )
Keep trying to help people – one day you’ll hit a ‘homerun’!
Barbara Esposito, The Quilted B
Hey Scott – three things: 1. You NEVER go wrong by choosing to do right (my wisdom). 2. You can’t solve all the worlds problems (Joe’s wisdom). 3. If we know to do good and do not do it, we do wrong (Bible wisdom James 4:17). Your kind heart will continue to lead you to do good. Sometimes it will reap benefits, sometimes it will not. The key is to do the good you are lead to do, and not anticipate the outcome. Short story? Just keep doing the good that you do! It blesses way more than you know!
Giddy
Don’t be sad over telling her no. There are people out there that will take advantage of you every chance they get. Unfortunately sometimes it’s necessary to tell them no as badly as you want to help them.
Okay now… How about this contest I’m going to have to lurk on your page to try and be the 20th post LOL your blog is going to get blogged down with everybody lurking LOL
Have a Great day Scott! I gotta get back to my cousins wedding quilt. We had everybody at his wedding sign a block and I’m putting them together and XOXO pattern and it’s beautiful!
Frieda Stricker
Sometimes all you can do is try.I’m a sucker for a sad story to. I think that’s what makes us human.
Siobhan F
Holy moly! I hope that Tiffanie can turn her life around, and make some positive changes in her life. Good on you for trying.
Mary Alice Peeling
Thanks for trying to help! I agree it was time to step back but maybe she’ll get herself back on track!
Eileen Keane
Scott, you meant well. Very often, people don’t appreciate it when someone helps them. They keep trying to get more and more. Lesson learned, right?
Linnea f
You tried to help, no shame in that..
Faye
Scott, you did her a good deed & encouraged her to chance her life. One good deed doesn’t mean you have to help her forever. I think you handled this well. You are one of the good guys!
Scott Fortunoff
Hi Faye,
Congrats! You are number 60! Not happy I am going to have to ship to Canada, but I will live. Nice job and thanks for your comment.
Regards,
Scott
Sylvia Dresser
I do feel sorry for this young woman, but you did the right thing for sure by drawing a boundary. I appreciate the good things you are doing in the world!
Roycee Graves
I love your generosity and your kind heartedness but some people take it too far. They mess it up for the people who really need help. But it’s never wrong to help people. Thanks Scott for your kind heartedness. Keep it up
Esther Daugherty
I have done what you have done and I still try to help if needed. But I’ve learned to do it from a distance now. And not get so personal. I now only help if I feel good about it and true evidence of need. Or just because I feel lead to give my time or anything of value. And I now pray about what I should do. I’m disabled I live on a fix income and have been took advantage of and still do now and then. But if do help it’s from my heart more so now than it used to be.
Sue willison
Scott … it is so unfortunate that this happens to so many of us who try to do good. I worked with the Big Sisters program and you give your heart and soul plus your finances to help only to see the destruction happen over and over. It took me until I was 50 to say ….. I can’t fix anyone. If I see a person doing steps to improve their lives with their time and hard work I do try to help. You have a good heart …. keep to the fabric business and us quilters because these quilts give so much comfort to a dying patient to a new born. You are helping us with beautiful fabric and the younger generation is so creative …. I am so fortunate to see the growth of this craft. Help those new designers maybe a young girl trying to make her way into this world of fabric. Sponsor a girl to be a textile engineer. It is a different world now ….. and we must be cautious of our resources. Thank you for all you do. Your donation of fabric to my girls who are trying to learn to sew was so appreciated. Pictures and story will come soon. You spread the joy of fabric for us!
WENDY Asher
Your post sounds so familiar. As the aunt of a repeat offender, my heart often leads when he asks for support -‘just this time’ or ‘this will be the last time’. Unfortunately, the results have been consistent, and I have had to say no. I will always love him, but that love does not include my retirement funds. Not surprisingly, my young adult kids were much smarter than me!
Thanks for your blog posts, they are interesting and feel genuine. I do look forward to them.
Carrie Isoldi
It’s amazingly big, yet humbling for you to write about something like this. It shows that we truly have the desire to help others, even though we might be getting ourselves in too deep, or that the wool is being pulled over our eyes.
You tried to do good. You tried to do a Mitzvah, but unfortunately, it turned out to be something other than what you thought it was. I tend to be too mistrustful when strangers want something from me, or if something seems too good to be true. I always chalked it up to having been “born & braised on the streets of New York”. You, on the other hand, know the true meaning of Tzedackah. I grew up hearing of the the hardships of the Great Depression, WWII, Rationing, & The Stock Market Crash. I hope that this little incident doesn’t prevent you from continuing to do good. There are so many who’ve lost so much. You do help them in wonderful ways!
Patty
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s really hard to know where to draw the line.
Darlene
There are some people that can’t be helped. I had a friend that was like a black hole. Every time I thought she was getting her ducks in a row, she would do something ridiculous and get into financial trouble again. The sad part is, she had a good paying job and no dependents, but kept making bad decisions.
Linda
We used to belong to an inner city church for many years, so I think I have heard every storyline. What I do as a result is fund agencies that directly help and hold accountable the women they serve. They have the ability to deal directly and consistently with the people and situations. Many times these women have lost the ability to know and tell the truth. In my area, I support a couple of them as well as one overseas. It is heartbreaking to see so many broken and downtrodden women and kids. Just channel your resources wisely, don’t give up.